Marriage and Divorce

Many polygamy opponents will admit that YHWH HATES divorce. Yet, they do not stand against this evil while hypocritically condemning polygamy which is NOT condemned by YHWH. I think it's time in our discussions to do a study on the topic of divorce.

Before we can adequately define divorce, we must first look at what constitutes a marriage. Is it only a sexual union? Is it a governmental decree? What ingredients are necessary to consider a couple "married?"

The first recorded marriage in Scripture takes place in B'reisheet 2: 18-25:
"And יהוה Elohim said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I am going to make a helper for him, as his counterpart.” And from the ground יהוה Elohim formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all livestock, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field. But for the man there was not found a helper for him, as his counterpart. So יהוה Elohim caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. And the rib which יהוה Elohim had taken from the man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one is called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.” For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, yet they were not ashamed."

In this very first example of a marriage, we learn many valuable lessons.
1) YHWH thinks it is NOT good for a man to be alone.
2) The purpose of a woman is to be a helping-counterpart to the man.
3) Woman was made out of man's rib.
4) Woman is "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" to man.
5) The generic name of the female gender "isha" means "taken out of man"
6) YHWH brought the woman to the man and gave her to him.
7) Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
8) Man and woman "shall become one flesh."
9) Man had a job before he had a wife.
10) The animals were not considered suitable counterparts to man.

We could certainly expand on this list, but these are the major points from this passage. How many anti-polygamy people will bother to stand up for these truths? How many will see a wife disobeying her husband and keep silent. How many speak out against bestiality? How many will see couples with unemployed men and/or couples living with the man's parents and say nothing? These things are directly against scripture! Hypocrites! How shall you escape damnation?

Also, from this passage I want to point out that it is YHWH who brought the woman to the man and gave her to him to be his wife. There was no government involvement! Remember when Yahushua said "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto YHWH the things that are YHWH's." (Mattithyahu 22: 21b) Marriage completely belongs to YHWH! The government has absolutely nothing to do with marriage! Yet, how many anti-polygamists hypocritically claim that polygamy is illegal and therefore sinful while breaking the Savior's command to render to YHWH what belongs to Him! If the government made bestiality or homosexual unions legal, does that constitute a legitamite marriage? NO!!! So then why do we assume that government legitimizes a marriage or has the power to grant a divorce? Because we live in a "backwards" (crooked/perverse) generation! (Acts of the Jewish Apostles 2:40)
As we continue through Scripture, we see hundreds of examples of men "taking wives." We see several examples of wives giving their husbands their slave-girls to take as wives. We see Hagar taking a wife for her son, Yishmaʽĕl. We see in B'reisheet 24:67 "And Yitzchak brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent. And he took Rivkah and she became his wife, and he loved her. Thus Yitzchak was comforted after his mother’s death." Yet we do not see any examples of a wedding ceremony. It then becomes clear that prior to Torah, what constituted marriage was 1) sexual union and 2) commitment.
At the giving of the Torah, we have what has become the model for the modern wedding ceremony. The Shidduch is the matchmaking process. The Vort is the engagement or betrothal period. The ketuvah (contract) comes from the covenant that YHWH made with Yisra'el. The Bedekin is the "veiling" process that is done in remembrance of Laban's trickery of Ya'acov. The Chupah represents the house that the couple will share and is derived from the cloud that covered Har Sinai. The kiddushin is the giving of money, jewlry, dowry, or other item of value as a symbol that the bride will be provided for throughout the marriage. The Sheva Brachos "seven blessings" are recited and the groom breaks a glass in remembrance of the destruction of the temple. Finally, the Cheder Yichud (room of privacy) allows the couple to be alone for a period of time where they (at least symbolically) consummate the marriage. All of these things are TRADITION based upon the giving of the Torah. They are not mandatory to constitute a legitamite marriage, only tradition for a public ceremony.
The Torah itself gives us many rules to govern marriage. For example, marriage between close relatives are now forbidden. Regulations were also put in place to govern polygamous households, such as Devarim 21:15-17 “When a man has two wives, one loved and the other unloved, and they have borne him children, both the loved and the unloved, and the first-born son is of her who is unloved, then it shall be, on the day he makes his sons to inherit his possessions, he is not allowed to treat the son of the beloved wife as first-born in the face of the son of the unloved, who is truly the first-born. “But he is to acknowledge the son of the unloved wife as the first-born by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the beginning of his strength – the right of the first-born is his. " Notice that the purpose of this rule is to protect the inheritance of the firstborn. However, the rule itself makes clear that polygamy is just as valid as monogamy. However, there is no specifics given to govern HOW a marriage occurs. We, as part of Israel, are to understand that YHWH is our matchmaker and joiner. He alone bonds us into marriage. And so, aside from certain restrictions, marriage is defined as YHWH joining together a man with one or more women. Our part in the joining takes place when there exists 1) sexual union and 2) commitment.

To summarize what has been said, marriage is Scripturally defined as YHVH joining one man to one or more women who are eligible to marry in accordance with the rules of Torah and who make a commitment to live as husband and wife accompanied by a sexual union for the purpose of raising godly seed.

There is no government involvement whatsoever, for marriage belongs to YHWH not to government! A man may be "legally" married to another man, his sister, his mother, or a sheep - however this is NOT a legitimate marriage!

Now that we can properly define a marriage, we may look at the issue of divorce. Obviously, someone who is not legitimately married cannot be legitimately divorced. Also, as we have seen, government has no power to marry, therefore it has no power to divorce. Since marriage belongs to YHWH, He alone governs the rules of divorce. What does His word say constitutes a legitamite divorce?

Deu 24:1-4 “When a man takes a wife and shall marry her, then it shall be, if she finds no favour in his eyes because he has found a matter of uncoveredness in her, and he shall write her a certificate of divorce, and put it in her hand, and send her out of his house, and if she left his house and went and became another man’s wife, and the latter husband shall hate her and write her a certificate of divorce, and put it in her hand, and send her out of his house, or when the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled, for that would be an abomination before יהוה. And do not bring sin on the land which יהוה your Elohim is giving you as an inheritance."

In order for someone to be legitimately divorced, the man must 1)write a certificate of divorce 2) place it in her hand and 3) send her out of his house.

Notice also that according to YHWH's laws:
1) a woman cannot divorce her husband
2) the wife doesn't get the house, it is she who must leave his house.
3) government plays no role in divorce
4) the only valid reason for divorce is when a husband finds a "matter of uncleanness" in his wife.

I call your attention now to the conversation that Yahushua had with the Pharisees.

Mattithyahu 19:3-9 "And the Pharisees came to Him, trying Him, and saying to Him, “Is it right for a man to put away his wife for every reason?” And He answering, said to them, “Did you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what Elohim has joined together, let man not separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Mosheh command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts, Mosheh allowed you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. “And I say to you, whoever puts away his wife, except on the ground of whoring, and marries another, commits adultery And whoever marries her who has been put away commits adultery.” Here we see that Yahushua confirms that the only legitimate reason for divorce is when the wife commits adultery.

So then, a legitimate divorce according to Scripture consists of 1) the wife committing adultery 2) the husband writing a "get" (bill of divorce) 3) the husband placing the get in her hand 4) the husband sending her out of his house. Further - If the woman is re-married and divorced again, the original husband can never take her again to be his wife under penalty of death.

Government plays no role in marriage and divorce. The acts of marriage and divorce are clearly spelled out in YHWH's word. Now think of this: How many "legally" divorced women "re-marry" other men. In fact, if no get was written by her husband, she is still married to him. She is now living in adultery according to YHWH, yet perfectly "legit" in the eyes of society and the law. How many millions are committing adultery right now because of ignorance to YHWH's eternal laws? How many "preachers" are adulterers because of allowing government to define marriage and divorce instead of scripture? How many anti-polygamists themselves are nothing more than adulterers and/or condoning adultery? Haven't they read (1Co 6:9-10) "Do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the reign of Elohim? Do not be deceived. Neither those who whore, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor greedy of gain, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers shall inherit the reign of Elohim." Millions are going to an eternal lake of fire for their Torahless ways! Yet there are some who will condemn polygamy as "sinful" while ignoring adultery. So many nations will be judged for re-defining YHWH's definitions of marriage and divorce!

We must be vigilant in keeping to YHWH's definitions of marriage (which includes polygamy) and divorce! We must not let man, society or government redefine these meanings and we must speak out against what is wrong and sinful in the eyes of YHWH!